Nothing to Say Tonight

I’ve got nothing to say tonight. Nothing. Sometimes I sit here, after work, and stare at this screen as if it’s supposed to inspire me to have some profound thought. I realize that most of my “profound” thoughts are a whole lot of vanity-plagued recollections of a so-called shy kid. A shy kid, that by most accounts wasn’t shy at all. I know how lame it must seem. I am in on the joke, even if the joke is at my own expense.

But I’ve got nothing to say tonight. I’m not in the mood to reminisce of a kid’s insecurities, an adult’s responsibilities, and am definitely not in the mood to talk about Donald Trump. Don’t even get me started.

I have been going to the gym again recently. When you’re at the gym, do you look in the mirror at yourself? I usually don’t. Honestly. I mean, sometimes I’d catch myself, but I never really looked. What I usually do is look out at everyone else. I see the buff dudes in their spaghetti strap tank tops and the young people, men and women, all toned, in their youthful, untested bodies, sweating and toning. I see them, and it makes me feel weak. No, not weak…old. Yes, old. I never felt like a “strong” kid, but I remember that youth, when you could just run and your mind and body were synchronized like two German female synchronized swimmers (I have no idea how good of a comparison that is, but it’s gotta be good, right?). Nothing seemed too far from possible, physically.

The other day though, I noticed myself in the mirror. Really saw myself, not as me but just as some guy.  I wasn’t trying to make it obvious. I don’t want to be that guy that just sits there, grunting, staring at himself in adoration. But I was just trying to see myself objectively.And I gotta be honest, I liked what I saw. Of course, that is aided in large part because I was at the gym, feeling stronger. But still, I liked what I saw. I imagine, if I were just some other person there, and I saw me, would I think I was my age? Would I think that I was some lazy, burn out? I don’t think so. I think I’d look like someone about five years younger that’s still kinda athletic. Not totally out of peak physical shape. And hey, I’ll take that.

Umm. Okay, I’m fresh out of my nothing to say and have nothing to say. TV has suckered me in…and don’t even ask me what show it is that did it. Far too embarrassing.


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